e s o p h o r i a -all about my imperfections as a confused sinner.

I've been blogging quite alot recently. I guess it was this unknown feeling in me that i've been trying to express...I'm losing the battle in search for the answer.

Watched 'I not stupid 2'. The familiar storyline... I seemed to have drowned into the character itself. I saw myself in the movie, in place of 'Jerry'. Like how the movie predict a child of such circumstances would turn out, I thought to myself, 'Hey, I'm not that bad.' I can't deny the fact that torrents of tears trickled down my cheeks silently. I don't know if my mother saw them. It doesn't matter. Deep inside, i was already wailing like a baby. Literally, like a baby.

But after the movie, i told myself, 'I'm gonna blog happy stuff today'. :)
Somehow, my thought was reverted to... 'are you happy?'.

Good question. Am i really happy? I can choose to answer it chirpily and clap my hands to assure the world that I'm fine. I'm not beaten despite whatever happened or is going on. To me, this is an extremely difficult question to face. Or even, reply. I have to give it much thought.

You know what, I am happy,and i am not. This is not the best situation one would want to be in. Trust me. I'm rather happy actually, if only some people don't bother me that much. Too bad,they're the closest kins. So,i'll have to give it a go...

This realisation dawned upon me, and i felt the urge to blog about it. Linking back to the 'I not stupid 2' movie i watched earlier on, most adolescents,like me, given 'jerry's background would have became what he was depicted as, in the movie. But,yes, 'Hey, I'm not that bad'. But i must emphasize on the words 'that bad'. I should say i WAS one or two steps to becoming of that despised status in society. Not including the part about getting involved with affairs of the underdogs of society. No way, in any hell, will i do that. I've HAD a couple of friends who tainted themselves with such company, but i am not one of them.

On the other hand, in susbstitution, i turned to the 'wonders' of alcoholism'. I can say i know quite a fair bit of the commercial world that revolves around this element of self destruction and wastage to one's life when taken at the rate i used to consume. I must also add the other side of undesirable consequences that follows when you awake, not knowing it was already 2pm the next day. With such powerful atrocities, comes other forms of decadence, naturally.

I was overwhelmed by alcohol's momentary ability to eliminate the sorrow,emotional turmoil, confusions of my contradicting senses as to what i do and what i think i ought not to do. They were frequently on loggerheads - my actions vs my conscience. They were momentary reliefs, like a breather for me to preserve my sanity.

I was in an aimless search for an avenue that can take me away. Away from all these monstocities of emotional torture and mental harangue. It was futile. In fact, i fell deeper into the chasm of darkness and brutal abuse internally.

I stopped after sometime. I stopped totally after i found you. A purpose and meaning for me to live, despite all these. Just because, i know it is worth it. To give up that life, for the better of me,you and us. Instantaneously, this song rang in my head - Because of you by Kelly clarkeson.You know, you're the wonderful-est thing i've ever come across. Nothing will deter that. Whatever happened in the past, has proved quite a bit about this love. I'm willing to wait for the day you finally know how much i feel for you. So,this song,is dedicated to you.Specially.

Thank you for coming down all the way to have breakfast with me early in the morning despite the long, taxing day you had on friday. It felt so great to see you again. The way you held my hand,the cheeky you i saw as i walked down the path towards you,the smile...I realised,i'm happy,'cos you made me happy.

Nobody's 'i love you' can be compared to yours. When they say it, its 3 words. When you say it, it's 2. It is a whole world of difference to me,baby;

Andrea Yim
6:32 PM

"Does Anybody Hear Her" by Casting Crowns

She is running

A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

She is trying

But the canyon's ever widening

In the depths of her cold heart

So she sets out on another misadventure just to find

She's another two years older

And she's three more steps behind

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

Or does anybody even knows she's going down today

Under the shadow of our steeple

With all the lost and lonely people

Searching for the hope that's tucked away in you and me

Does anybody hear her? Can anybody see?

She is yearning

For shelter and affection

That she never found at home

She is searching

For a hero to ride in

To ride in and save the day

And in walks her prince charming

And he knows just what to say

Momentary lapse of reason

And she gives herself away

If judgement looms under every steeple

If lofty glances from lofty people

Can't see past her scarlet letter

And we never even met her

He is running

A hundred miles an hour in the wrong direction

--------------------------------------------------------------------

This song touched me rather deeply. It made me realise i haven't looked into the mirror for quite a while. Or maybe, i have never. But this time, I saw a reflection. The image looked familiar... i squinted,and stared hard and had a slight hint that, that person looking back at me was seemingly interesting. I want to find out more about her. Can i? Hmmm...

Andrea Yim
7:23 PM

Haha. Yes,interesting diagram.I drew it! That's why its rather illegible. Pardon me. :p Hope it doesn't take too much brain juice to comprehend.

Supposed to have theory lessons today but the teacher called last minute and pronounced that i needn't to be present. Freak. Damn...

I have two papers tomorrow. English and Social Studies. I'll read through english tonight. I don't really need my Social studies to get me where i wanna go. So, i'll just do a last browse before i call it a day.

Have you ever felt this feeling of not wanting to do anything cos you're missing that special person so much? That terrifically helpless feeling. True love coupled with sincerity beats all these fluctuating emotional nonsense. I'm enlightened upon this conclusion after much thought.

in my mind,everything's whirling round in circles.but you're the centre of it all,standing rooted and still;

Andrea Yim
6:54 PM

"Who Am I"

Who am I, that the Lord of all the earth
Would care to know my name
Would care to feel my hurt

Who am I, that the Bright and Morning Star
Would choose to light the way
For my ever wandering heart

Not because of who I am
But because of what You've done
Not because of what I've done
But because of who You're

I am a flower quickly fading
Here today and gone tomorrow
A wave tossed in the ocean
A vapor in the wind

Still You hear me when I'm calling
Lord, You catch me when I'm falling
And You've told me who I am
I am Yours, I am Yours

Who Am I, that the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love and watch me rise again
Who Am I, that the voice that calmed the sea
Would call out through the rain
And calm the storm in me
I am Yours

Whom shall I fear
Whom shall I fear
'Cause I am Yours
I am Yours

----------------------------------------------------

You feel my hurt,catch me when i'm falling.calm the storm in me,Lord.Watch me rise again.
Whom shall i fear,Lord.

Whom shall i fear... ...

My love,this is probably the thousand and one-th time i'm saying this to you, but i want you to know that i mean it.so i'm saying it again. I love you.

Andrea Yim
6:37 PM

Trust in the LORD with all your heartand lean not on your own understanding;in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will direct your paths.

-Proverbs 3, 5-6

These trees are very unique. They stand out among the rest. :)

Maybe i will share abit of what's happening in my life now.The hospital called to confirm that i require kidney dialysis.

'Shit... ', i thought to myself. I didn't ask God 'why? God?why???'. i knew i had to face the consequences of my irrational spur-of-the-moment actions.

Thoughts started to flood my mind. Are they going to poke many many needles into me? Where will they poke me? My hands again? Will it be painful? How long will it take? Will i be bored? how long do i have to go for? How does it feel like?

I won't ask God why. This time, I'll ask Him to give me the strength and courage to face this uncertainty...this impending,trepidating fear in me. Lastly, i need the peace. Do pray for me. Thank you so much..

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The serenity prayer

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

Andrea Yim
1:53 PM

I promised you i would not blog about the dark side anymore. :) i won't.

Ah well...i should be thankful for getting a chance to be a living creature on planet earth.
and i am.
I am even more thankful for chances and opportunities others may not even have the chance to come across.
Most of all, I am really really thankful,for you.

yes baby,indeed, i thank God for you;

Andrea Yim
6:46 PM

Rhythm Of Life

She struggled, trying to get on her feet and fumbled again. The beady, innocent eyes of the one year old remained fixed on her parents. Overwhelmed by much excitement and elation, their child was finally learning how to walk! They watched intensely as the bundle of joy chuckle at its own unsuccessful attempts to walk.

Indeed, Trisha was the light of their lives. Bernard and Xing Rui. A couple who loved children but never had been successful for the past six years. Trisha was a divine intervention from God, miraculously brought into this world. Their fervent prayers and desperate cries in the past finally paid off.

The vibrant glow in her cheeks, glittery twinkle in her eyes and soft peals of laughter had brought much cadences and articulation to the couple’s rhythm of life. Even the gibberish as an attempt to speak, like her parents, seemed like melodically graceful tunes to their ears.

The rhythm of their life entered a different phase. A phase of lively, vibrant sounding tunes which seemed to diffuse happiness wherever they went. There was so much joy and pure exhilaration that came with the childlike exuberance dissipated from Trisha.

Time flew by quickly, like the fast paced rhythm of happiness that resembled their lives. It was nearing Trisha’s second birthday. She was due for her annual baby check up. Inquisitively natured, Trisha looked around as her round eyes scanned the clinic. It was finally her turn.

She did not cry upon entering the unfamiliar surroundings, unlike other toddlers. Her eyes wandered as she observed the settings of the place. Soon, the doctor carried out the usual procedures.

His eye brows furrowed as the creases in his face deepened. He shook his head gently as he averted his attention to Bernard and Xing Rui. His brows still knitted, panic seized the loving couple. They grabbed each other’s hands tightly, preparing for the worst.

The doctor pronounced that Trisha’s occasional slight fever was a symptom of cancer. Thus, confirmed that she was diagnosed with leukemia, cancer of the blood. The couple stared listlessly at the undersized two year old, still unaware of the tragedy that had befallen unto her.

Tears cascaded down their cheeks as they hugged each other in despair. The toddler stared at her mother’s flustered expression, as bewilderment overwhelmed Trisha. She had never seen her mother acting like that before. Cold realization began to dawn within Bernard and Xing Rui. Such unforeseen tragedy caused a plunge in their emotional status as the rhythm of their life started to weaken and change distinctively.

The familiar stench of disinfectants no longer stung Bernard’s nose as he walked down the same corridors. He was haggard and forlorn, as a deep sense of anguish was exhibited on his expressionless face. The once vibrant, lively, chirpy father looked as if he would falter at the slightest blow of emotional shock. His heart raced wildly as he rushed to his child’s weak cry for company during the painful yet regular procedure of chemotherapy.

Being present to see Trisha’s suffering filled the couple with dread and absolute devastation. Their lives was changed dramatically. Watching the only hope in their lives scrunch into a tight grimace of pain during the treatment was did not get anymore bearable as time passed. Trisha never seemed to get better either. She was weary and forlorn. The emotional turmoil was too much for a girl of her age to bear.

Trisha was reduced to a frail, pale and sickly child. In her thin, reedy voice , she requested for her favorite cartoon character to be printed on her two year old birthday cake as a celebration. Bouts of intense sorrow overwhelmed Bernard and Xing Rui as a surge of tears welled up in their eyes. They nodded in agreement as Trisha smiled weakly. Deep inside, both Bernard and Xing Rui were uncertain about Trisha’s ability to pull through. Thet had never felt so helpless and could not imagine a worse fate.

Trisha’s life faded away slowly and painfully the next day. The heart rate monitor beeped monotonously, in a total resemblance to the rhythm of Bernard’s and Xing Rui’s life. Cold, monotonous and dreary. The couple watched in rapt silence as their eyes laid fixed on the limp piece of their own flesh. Trisha let out a plaintive whine as pain consumed her slowly. More tears fell freely down the parent’s cheek as Bernard rushed forward to cuddle her. Trisha cowered in the warmth of her father’s chest for the last time.

As the monitor’s annoying beep penetrate the disconcerted silence in the room, vivid memories of Trisha flashed past their minds. The couple could not gather enough courage and fortitude to face such an adversity. Life, for Xing Rui and Bernard would never be the same again, and so will the rhythm of their lives. It will never be like before while Trisha was around. Trisha made the miraculous change in their rhythm of life.

Andrea Yim
12:04 AM

Goodbye, pretty little flower...

Andrea Yim
4:48 PM

It wasn't the same... and it isn't anymore. The usual sun that scorched mercilessly didn't greet me today. In fact,I didn't feel its warmth at all - i thought,maybe it wasn't there today. No... it can't be. It's the clouds that perfects a balmy weather.

But this time, there was an obvious overdose - of clouds. An accident,perhaps. Rain pelted heavily on the panels as i watched every drop fall hard onto the glass pane. My breath condensed on the transparent sheet creating a momentary white cloud that diminished almost immediately after it's mere existence. I sqinted my eyes to catch a glance further ahead. I couldn't. The raging rain just wouldn't permit. This is bad, i thought to myself.

I tiptoed gingerly through the inadquately sheltered walkway as i made my way to the bus stop. Around me were leaf litter that have fallen from the tree above. I turned round in a circle or two, awakened to a realisation that not all of them are dead and whithered. Amongst them were some rather pretty,fresh looking leaves and even, flowers.

What a waste! I stared downwards, just oserving the pretty little flower. There will not be much time before it turns yellow and shrivelled, just like the rest around it.

The vibrant little element of nature laid there, as if it were still high up in the tree, still diffusing an invigorating, lively feel. The wind blew as its petals fluttered vigourously. I predicted how this flower's life would change, as compared to its life being high up in the tree... ...

Morning dew trickling down the smooth petals of nature's finest pieces of art.It would twinkle as the incandescent rays of the sun, set the tops of canopys ablaze. Nothing could compare to that refreshing feel when it came to kickstarting the day, with a fresh start - when one wakes up from a reverie of impossible fairytales. The flower catches the first gust of the freshest and lightest breeze as it overlooks the daily hustle and bustle of life down under. It could lay in the security and cool shade of the tree all day long, as the branches support its livelihood of being a flower, transporting to it it's much needed nutrients and support.

A simple twist of fate... the next moment, it was on the cold, hard ground.Prickly and dusty. Vehicles zoom past causing an audible harangue, not making it more bearable as time went on. Noisy chatters and shrieks of young girls pounding the ground as they rush for the bus. Trampled, the smooth sides of the little pretty flower creased and tattered. Soon, as the weather wears the vibrance and colours off the miraculous creation of mother nature. the weather beaten poor thing lay there, lifeless as every hour pass by. It seems eternity before the sun goes down. It couldn't overlook the setting of sun over the vast horizon like it usually could anymore. Motionless and distorted, it didn't cry.

I didn't cry. Did I...

Perhaps. I didn't know why,anyway.

Baby, if only we would stay in this love, this way forever...

Andrea Yim
9:04 PM

Baby,i just want to say... ;

The daily hustle and bustle of modern living has been getting the better of me. I'm starting to figure out the symptoms of feeling 'burnt out' on me. Saddest part is, i can't seem to find a remedy to revitalise the weary spirit and soul. Definitely not bumming around at home...no thank you.I don't feel like going out either - it tires me out easily. Maybe age is catching up,faster than i get to realise. *sighs*

I just feel like doing nothing. Nothing. Just sitting here in my room, waiting for something to happen. My happiness is built on uncertain circumstances, that can be shaken easily - vulnerable to turbulence. I'm willing to sacrifice that, because my happiness is built on you, and your happiness.

That goes to explain that you're a big part of me,my life. And i will never do anything to jeopardize this treasure that i protect so much,with whatever that i have,and can do. I don't know how we're gonna go about letting go of the past. Slowly,baby, we will - and i believe that will happen. But, i do look forward to every single day, just because you are in my life. It has made it more meaningful and...with a purpose.

Lift me up,baby. I don't wanna fall. I'd shatter into smithereens,torn and broken. I've never been this serious. But i'm dead sure,definitely. I'm willing to forgo the experience of meeting other people, cos you're more than enough,more than i can ever ask for.

Thank you for reassuring me time and time again that you'll always be there for me,despite of all that we've been through, and all that i've done. I just hope that things will stay this way, as i renew my commitment to you every single day,the moment my senses come round - when i lay in bed even before the first rays of the sun cast a glorious tinge of gold on the whole city.

if tomorrow never comes, would you ever know how much i love you? ;

Andrea Yim
8:36 PM

I shall share my desktop's wallpaper.I find it quite nice... I know Faith looks a little strangled. I wasn't!!!I'm innocent! :p

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see.
Hebrews 11:1

Its been a while since i've talked to someone about my recent struggles,besides my blog.I was reminded about casting all my burdens,hurts and fears upon God today. I went home, showered well...and spent sometime in the solitude and serenity of my cosy room. I knelt down, surrendering all my fears,hurts and pain to Him. He said, "Come to me all who are heavy laden,that you may have life, and have it ABUNDANTLY."

My hands were clasped tightly and many thoughts and unbearably hurting events ran through my head once again. That familiar surge of emotions... disappointment,fear,deceit,biased favour,ignorance... It was as if an inaudible harangue rang through the sonorous metallic skull of mine. I was one step further from humanity. The ability to feel,hear,smell,taste...

What if my parents gave up on me one day? What if i didnt do well in school? What if i didnt live up to my teacher's expectations?What if i did something wrong,that was an undesirable example to my younger sister? What will others say? What if he's not there for me anymore,one day? What if... ...i fall,again?

I told God, i can't take it. I begged Him not to blame me if i disobeyed by taking this life that He's given unto me.

She was right about it. I told her how i felt about everything. I realised, i've never felt angry. And it had been quite some time i got angry over sometime. Or... i never did know what it felt like to be angry. The hurts and pain have over-ridden my ability to feel angry.

I picture myself,a little toddler like all the rest...learning how to walk. Somehow, i keep falling no matter how hard i try. Suffering bruises,hurt from learning and mastering the basic ability of being able to walk and run...that will free me,in this world. Free to explore the ends of the earth.

Everyone wants to learn how to walk.The ability to explore what's in store for us in such a wonderfully created world, a rewarding gift for the effort. But as for me, i'm getting tired, weary...of this trying-to-walk. I'm giving up,Lord. I am. I don't want to try anymore. Its okay if i don't walk like others do. I can do,crippled, my entire life. I'm prepared to live this way... ...

Since this is not a private blog, as there is no such thing as a private blog (yes,i agree with you). haha. :) so, i shall not disclose too much.

i'm loosing grip. hold me baby, are you holding me tight enough? ;

Andrea Yim
8:34 PM

Its a long wait.But,every agonising part of it is worth it.I'm sure about that,baby;

your beauty should come from your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worthin God's sight.

1 Peter 3:4

I realised I haven't been putting up my daily verses. Good Friday is next week. I was just wondering,should i feel remorse,or be slightly elated? Mournful and solemn - i reckon most would say that. Then, followed by a question, 'Why should anyone BE joyful about it? Jesus DIED!! Hello...?!' To make the matters worse, it was ALL for our sinful acts and desires.

Is it then, only on good Fridays,which is an ANNUAL thing, that we are REMINDED that He died for us? And for the rest of the 364 days of the year, we can chuck it aside? To me, above all else, knowing that He died for us IS fundamentally of paramount importance. And we should be CONSTANTLY reminded about it. This will affect us a whole lot when it comes to the decisions we make in life, big or small. In addition to that,the things that we do,too,are affected by this selfless sacfrifice that God has made,FOR US.

Oh wells, i don't practice what i am preaching. Haha...but come to think of it, I should. I feel so bad. Heh. Things should be fine now,I hope. No more uproars, cos i can't take another blow. The forlorn and battered body is weary and weak.

its 15hours,45 mins and 42 secs before i see you again my love. Till then...you're always on my mind;

Andrea Yim
6:16 PM

Woots! I did an IQ test!!! In, 10 mins...haa

Your IQ score is 129!

You have a strong ability to process visual-spatial and mathematical information and this, combined with your logical mind, means you are a Visual Mathematician. You can manipulate multiple parts of the picture (or problem) to come up with a solution and can understand the "big picture," which is partly why people may turn to you for direction. Like Einstein, your ability to detect patterns and your skills in maths and logic, make it natural for you to come up with ideas and theories that simplify processes for everyone.

Check this IQ test out here.

What am i thinking right now?Nothing. You? Definitely. ;

Andrea Yim
7:57 PM

My whole world's crashing down. Would someone save me? and keep me from falling? Its so cold down here. And i'm alone, broken,shattered into pieces. I can't stop crying.

Why is all these happening? I hate to cry,everyone knows that. I 'm so confused,so frustrated. I detest myself. Its all my fault, that everything turned out like that.

Your wish is my command, by hook or by crook, if its within my means to fulfil it, i definitely will. This i promise you. I am always ready,to make sacrifices...for you. I love you.

no questions asked;

Andrea Yim
8:57 PM

A tear cascaded freely down my cheeks when i thought of you,and your love for me

School was mundane,as usual. Tuesdays are the worst days, comparable to thursdays. I thanked God i could finally call it a day. I bidded usual farewells and skipped light heartedly to the bus stop,eager to go off.

I felt awkward. I wasn't receiving the usual amount of sunlight that used to shower down on me relentlessly. I was talking to Ju-er while i admired the smell of rain - similar to the zesty tinge of freshly cut grass. I took a deep breath, aware that i should avoid the harmful exhaust from the busy highway.

I thought to myself quietly,how awesomely beautiful such a common scene was. I could not feel the sun rays but i knew, the sun was still shining. Lo and behold, i took a peek out of the sheltered walkway,and...i could see a faint background of golden-white, as if it were a ceiling. However,it was marred by ugly rags that seemed to hang low from it.The threateningly grey clouds...it was going to rain.

I related this to God's presence in our life. I couln't feel God. He felt so far away. I felt so alone,isolated,discouraged.The world could crumble that instant, for all i care. We know He had promised us,in the bible, time and time again, that He is always there. Even in the deepest valleys, or the highest mountain... I just couldn't believe it. I knew the sun was still there but just because i couldn't feel its warmth, i chose to believe it wasn't. Not until it was there to show itself faintly, the i came to utter realisation. Hey, its there. God, I'm here. Take me.

Almost instantaneously, the rain fell. It was ineluctable,i know. I felt like walking home...all the way home, in the rain. I want to be reminded of His love for me. The rain was like a downpour of His ceaseless love despite being such a wretched sinner. Am I really worth it?

i thought to myself, in the midst of the crowded bus stop. How many of these fellow comrades of mine, would be cursing at another unpredictable shower like this. Dreading the thought of getting wet,that they might fall sick, and that it would be a messy chore when they get home - having to clean up their white shoes caked with slimy mud.

Perhaps rain was just another irritant in their life. Has anyone ever stopped to marvel at such simplicities of God's creation, right from the very beginning...even before you wow at how early sharks,crocodiles or dinosaurs did exsist... what about rain?

The rain started to pour ferociously as tiny droplets splattered onto my calves and face. I continued to give thanks to God silently...I know He's here,with me. I smiled to myself. I kept telling Him,' rest my soul'. It's in pandemonium,a terrible inaudible harangue. No one hears it, but me. You know what I'm going through. Take me away,with you - anywhere but here.

I was so tempted to give up on this test that God is putting me through, here on Earth. This question hit me really hard.

"What do you think God will say to you if you meet Him face to face,this instant?"

I retreated...and shrunk into my own little shell. Guilty, I'm so guilty.I realised.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear my love,

I know you're trying your best to love me. I know. And i'm very touched. I tear,just thinking of the simple sacrifices you've made. And, I love you. I will get through this.Together,we shall. Don't even think I do not know. I do,every bit of it. I've never doubted it. Don't let me down,my legs cannot stand on its own anymore.

Yours faithfully,
Me.

I will keep praying, that one day,He will say to us,"Well done, my deserving children,you're welcomed here."

Andrea Yim
5:30 PM

He who dwells in the shelter of the
Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the LORD ,
'He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.' Surely he will save you from
the fowler's snare and from the deadly pestilence.

Psalm 91:1-4

Ahh,its the beginning of a new week. My brain's been quite dead and not thinking much except for work,work and more work. Everyone needs a break. Everyone needs a holiday-a getaway from things or even people whom they face. At work, at school,at home... ect. That's why, we have holidays and what-nots. We're just human...afterall.

Everything,in its time. A time to play,a time to work,and a time to let go. A time to play, but somehow, what if there are too many people at the merry go round?Everyone is trying to look for an answer to their purpose in life, here on earth. I fall on my knees and try to pray,everytime. For you, for me. In the silence, i feel pathetically helpless. Every step doused with a trepidating fear, of taking a wrong move. I can't fight this feeling anymore.

Perhaps i should just relax,being paranoid. Paranoia is a scary thing. I've probably grasped the sand a little too tightly that what it could withstand. I'm sorry. i have to do this. I know i'm selfish. Forgive me.

Letting go,keeping quiet and smile :) won't there,then, be peace?

Sometimes late at night, i wished i was watching you sleep. And the tought strikes me. if i never am able to wake up in the morning, and tomorrow was not reality, would i ever regret? That i've not loved you enough? That i've caused you so much hurt,so much pain and so much trouble. To tell you how much you mean to me... then, i wonder, what would you do,if tomorrow never comes.

Two people,two lives. Impossibly perfect,amazingly sacrificial.

Andrea Yim
10:54 PM