e s o p h o r i a -all about my imperfections as a confused sinner.

I fought my tears back as i dialled the usual good night call to him. I told him what my heart has left to say - The little that was left inside of me. I gave it all to him.

I wished whatever he said earlier on, were true. The delusion of lust blinded me. I don't want to carry on loving that way. Its so fucking difficult. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I'm bleeding profusely. I tried to bear with the gruesome scene. I tried hard. There's so much my heart can take. I'm giving up.

0246. I laid on my bed. I wished i knew what to do. I buried my head in my pillow and cried so hard. As i penn my thoughts down, the tears can't seem to stop, hoping my uncontrollable wailing wouldn't wake my parents.

A big part of Yimmie is lost. The monstrocity of devastation has consumed that much of her. There's nothing left for herself, but an empty case.

Leave me alone,get out of my head.
Leave me alone, get out of my face.
Leave me alone, I want to sleep tonight.
I don't wanna turn around, nor look back.

I need to find myself again. I do not have the strength to.
I need the comfort only one could give. He's not there anymore.
I'm giving up on my love. So that he can continue to do what he wants,peacefully.
I'm giving up on the only thing that mattered the most to me than anything else. I don't know if i can take this.
I'm afraid i can't.

Maybe I'll get used to being alone.
Maybe I'll get used to him, not being there.
Maybe giving up will make it hurt less.
But it hurts either way.
Maybe, i should hang on. And take the hurts myself.
I will because i still love him just as much
How dumb of Yimmie to think it was love.
But Yimmie stays firm, still. The love for him didn't change.
Maybe she will learn how to live with the love, alone.

But never again, Yimmie can ever love.
Dont talk about the intensity. Missing him will become a daily nightmare.

Goodbye everyone,this is the last you will hear of Yimmie.
She who faces the unknown, leaving her dream,'Chasing Cars' , shattered into smithereens.

You will be loved;

Andrea Yim
8:20 AM