e s o p h o r i a -all about my imperfections as a confused sinner.

Hmmm,i just read that Lakehouse is a boring movie!!! Haah! Who says so? Everyone's says its nice. Its unanimous!!! Don't argue... *hurmpf!* Far from being insipid...like 'The Shipping News' !?! sounds so wierd!!! :P Haha. Nah, i'm kidding. To each its own :) Oh yes, Age of Empires 3...Warchief's expansion. I'm anticipating its release in the market... :) soon,i suppose AND hope. Haha.

Its barely been the start of my 'Mugging Bonanza' in preparation for the prelimnary examinations that's just round the corner.To start the ball rolling, I have Physics first,in hand. So, i'm drilling on that now. Being someone who's easily distracted, its particularly arduous to concentrate for long hours just doing ONE SUBJECT. But, i'm trying despite the several comittments i have... For all you know, i'm lost in my own reverie of thoughts...all over again. Bleh...

I feel like a little ant,suspended on someone's palm...trying very hard to find a way out. However, i end up encircling the area in every route and direction i can find...but still find myself stuck...at square one. No wonder we humans never said ants were smart creatures.

After a night's musings...i've come to realise that life is all about priorities and what is IMPORTANT to you. Meaning, that should be placed above what PEOPLE THINK you should do. Most of the time, i end up finding myself living more for others than anything else. But neither do i want to lead a life that i'll end up regretting cos i've never done what i wanted to do - Never felt happy because i've forgotten that happiness is derived from the freedom you are entitled to.

Now,that sucks. I feel that i've just wasted the past 17 years of my life.

Mixed emotions start flooding in. Its high time i do something about my dysfunctional ideologies or way of life. I can't go on living like this. I'd never be able to answer to myself. Taking a look at others, perhaps i should be feeling happier cos at least, my miniscule problem is incomparable to the phalanx of obstacles lined up for them to eliminate. But, i realised... its STILL a problem - A problem tantamount to a hindrance of a healthy development of my character.

We'd never find an idyllic situation, a comfort zone where we can settle peacefully. That's life. Humans are complicated creatures. We often find ourselves searching for an answer,that we'd never find. Wanting the things we'd probably never get. And...not knowing what we have till we lose it for good.

I've been losing a little sleep lately, partially due to mugging sessions. Then again, these little issues about life and my obstinate refusal to accept the facts, are causing the other part. Is it really so difficult? My effronteries are causing an inaudible harangue in my head...the little numbskull.

Yes, i'm numb from thinking.

I cry, to remind myself that i can still feel myself...and feel for others...and thus, love.

Andrea Yim
11:46 AM