e s o p h o r i a -all about my imperfections as a confused sinner.

"Counting Down The Days"

You were right
And I don't wanna be here
If your gonna be there
Was that supposed to happen

I'll hold tight
I'll remember to smile
Though it has been a while
And without you does it matter

There's no room
No place to start
When our souls are apart

I wanna travel through time
See your surprise
Hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days tonight

I just wanna be a million miles away from here
I'm counting down the days

How've you been
It's just the usual here
And days are feeling like years
And every day's without you

Now I cry
Just a little too much
When I think of your touch
And everything about you
I feel cold
I'm in the dark
When our souls are apart

I wanna travel through time
See your surprise
Hold you so tight
I'm counting down the days tonight
I just wanna be a million miles away from here

-------------------------------------------------

I shut my eyes forcefully,with brows knitted closely,hoping that my inccessant self-persuasion to sleep would work. The mind defied in direct retaliation. After lying in bed for some 2 hours or so, i jolted out of bed, submitting myself to the nagging voice of conscience within - I should study,instead.

Under the dim orange hue of my bedside lamp, I squinted at my watch. It read 00:13. despite the fact that it was way past my bedtime, I didn't feel the slightest hint of lethargy.

Vaguely, i made my way to the toilet. After an episode of splashing icy cold water on my face, I was all freshened up. Throwing my hair back,the remaining droplets trickled down my face casually. I looked up and my eyes met hers, automatically.

Her facial features had an uncanny semblance that somehow emulated mine. I gazed intently into her bloodshot eyes as she stared back, listlessly. A weary expression hung blatantly on her face. Mildly taken aback, i didn't dare to acknowledge that 'her' whom i was looking at, in the mirror. My face twitched as i gasped in disgust.

'She' had dark circles that betrayed the endless sleepless nights. The dry and creased complexion spoke of every burden she'd bore. It seemed almost impossible to see her smile - smile like she really meant it. I fixed my stare, trying to grasp a better understanding of her through that little window - her eyes.

My efforts were futile as my eyebrows remained creased. I shuffled out with much alacrity, closing the door behind me quietly. Slumped into my chair, i stared into thin air, feeling so so lost...

So numb. It was as good as forgetting who i really was. Like a phoney.I wished i could just disappear from the world, in that split second. Take leave, out of this world, silently and peacefully. Unoticed.

I would smile...when world stops revolving - At the very moment when the incandescent premature sun rays peep over the horizon, over the picturesque mountains. When the humdrum monotony of the insipid night slowly ebbs as i careen down a long windy road overlooking the enitre 'switch-over' of dominance in my world. Only then, when the golden tinge of warmth spill over the treetops and set grassy meadows ablaze, as the morning dew twinkles like sparkling little gems scattered abundantly across the land... I would smile when the clock stops at that very moment.

Till then. my phalanx of conundrums remains...

To love,is to risk not being loved back.
To cry,is to risk the revelation of your weaknesses.

Andrea Yim
6:29 PM