e s o p h o r i a -all about my imperfections as a confused sinner.

Now playing on the blog: Torn by Natalie Imbruglia

I thought I saw a man brought to life
He was warm, he came around like he was dignified
He showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldn't be that man I adored
You don't seem to know, don't seem to care what your heart is for
But I don't know him anymore
There's nothing where he used to lie
My conversation has run dry
Thats what's going on, nothing's fine Im torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late,
I'm already torn

So I guess the fortune teller's right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and nowI don't care,
I have no luck, I don't miss it all that much
There's just so many things that I can't touch,I'm torn

I'm all out of faith, this is how I feel
I'm cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
I'm wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
You're a little late, I'm already torn. torn.

-----

Now, there's this little tub of Ben and Jerry's New York Super Fudge Chunk right in front of me. It was an entire fiasco trying to resist that scrumptious,delectable ice cream. As it is, i am already having problems assimilating the heavy dinner i've had last night.

On the contrary, i think i DO need some cheering up. I'll deal with that myself. Its not anyone's fault and therefore,its all to myself and i've gotta deal with it. Yes, i know that very well. :)

I'm fine. :)

I wonder if the feeling about loving someone too much,does exist. Too much? Thats the controversial part about it,i guess. Perhaps,that's an indication of the inability to let go of a loved one. Then comes the part about being so attached to someone,and to whether or not its a good thing. After giving it some thought, it all depends on whether we're comfortable with it,or not. Afterall,it is only a problem when its not unanimous.

Lately,there's been an increase incidents in everyday life that pisses me off. Its either the decadance of basic public etiquette and culture in Singapore, or the decadance... ... is in me. Blatantly, the answer is me. I've become much more temperamental than i used to be - which is bad. Little things irk me.

Thus, i've decided to take a step back,fuck care about the things that happens around me and confine myself...to myself. Here's the ideology behind my decision.

Afterall, i don't gain anything when i care about others. I can't change them. So, why bother getting worked up about it? Its their choice if they wanna continue their illicit,degrading ways blindly. I don't want to be spending a good part of my life TRYING to change them or understand. There's nothing to change and nothing to understand. Now, you see, its because the word 'change' never appears when they reflect - wait, do they EVEN reflect? Or,they elude by claiming its 'just their character' and it can't be helped. These fools and their bullcrap. And LETS SAY, after a long,painstaking process that probably costed me half my life, the person is a renewed soul...yes, i feel the elating sense of satisfaction,and probably have a better companion to hang out with. That's all,pathetically. Then,you realise, 'shit, i'm old'. But you never did what you wanted to do. Who believes that it pays to do someone good or have good intentions of another,nowadays?

There,you have it. A piece of my mind.

Yimmie's a nasty ogre inside, huh? :)

I'm yours,forever,love.Believe me,would you?

Andrea Yim
2:54 PM