A tear cascaded freely down my cheeks when i thought of you,and your love for me
School was mundane,as usual. Tuesdays are the worst days, comparable to thursdays. I thanked God i could finally call it a day. I bidded usual farewells and skipped light heartedly to the bus stop,eager to go off.
I felt awkward. I wasn't receiving the usual amount of sunlight that used to shower down on me relentlessly. I was talking to Ju-er while i admired the smell of rain - similar to the zesty tinge of freshly cut grass. I took a deep breath, aware that i should avoid the harmful exhaust from the busy highway.
I thought to myself quietly,how awesomely beautiful such a common scene was. I could not feel the sun rays but i knew, the sun was still shining. Lo and behold, i took a peek out of the sheltered walkway,and...i could see a faint background of golden-white, as if it were a ceiling. However,it was marred by ugly rags that seemed to hang low from it.The threateningly grey clouds...it was going to rain.
I related this to God's presence in our life. I couln't feel God. He felt so far away. I felt so alone,isolated,discouraged.The world could crumble that instant, for all i care. We know He had promised us,in the bible, time and time again, that He is always there. Even in the deepest valleys, or the highest mountain... I just couldn't believe it. I knew the sun was still there but just because i couldn't feel its warmth, i chose to believe it wasn't. Not until it was there to show itself faintly, the i came to utter realisation. Hey, its there. God, I'm here. Take me.
Almost instantaneously, the rain fell. It was ineluctable,i know. I felt like walking home...all the way home, in the rain. I want to be reminded of His love for me. The rain was like a downpour of His ceaseless love despite being such a wretched sinner. Am I really worth it?
i thought to myself, in the midst of the crowded bus stop. How many of these fellow comrades of mine, would be cursing at another unpredictable shower like this. Dreading the thought of getting wet,that they might fall sick, and that it would be a messy chore when they get home - having to clean up their white shoes caked with slimy mud.
Perhaps rain was just another irritant in their life. Has anyone ever stopped to marvel at such simplicities of God's creation, right from the very beginning...even before you wow at how early sharks,crocodiles or dinosaurs did exsist... what about rain?
The rain started to pour ferociously as tiny droplets splattered onto my calves and face. I continued to give thanks to God silently...I know He's here,with me. I smiled to myself. I kept telling Him,' rest my soul'. It's in pandemonium,a terrible inaudible harangue. No one hears it, but me. You know what I'm going through. Take me away,with you - anywhere but here.
I was so tempted to give up on this test that God is putting me through, here on Earth. This question hit me really hard.
"What do you think God will say to you if you meet Him face to face,this instant?"
I retreated...and shrunk into my own little shell. Guilty, I'm so guilty.I realised.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Dear my love,
I know you're trying your best to love me. I know. And i'm very touched. I tear,just thinking of the simple sacrifices you've made. And, I love you. I will get through this.Together,we shall. Don't even think I do not know. I do,every bit of it. I've never doubted it. Don't let me down,my legs cannot stand on its own anymore.
Yours faithfully,
Me.
I will keep praying, that one day,He will say to us,"Well done, my deserving children,you're welcomed here."
Andrea Yim
5:30 PM
