Petrified?Probably cumble into a lump of dust
Its another rainy day.My mood is as gloomy as the grey clouds that simply refuse to budge or disappear - and let me have some fun. Here i am, bored, cold and hungry. Like most people, whose plans are spoilt on a rainy season, I'm sitting infront of my desk, music playing in the background and chatting with friends from everywhere. Friends who knew me since God knows when, friends whom i have yet to meet face-to-face but seem to share the unexplainable connection - understanding.
The whirling headache is back again. Slept at some ungodly hour last night after talking on the phone for bloody three hours. Now, i can only pray for divine intervention, that Singtel prints errors on my phone bill. :D
If my monitor is alive, it'd probably be laughing at me - a zombified person staring at the screen, dazed and bleary. Mentally dead. I'm unable to think straight now. Its scary when undesirable temptations decide to overwhelm me now. It'd probably be the end of me. I'm serious. Nobody really knows where I am, mentally. My thoughts, what I want to do, things i would love to contend to.
Most people around me expect me to be the person i appear to be. Well, that's not their fault, because i APPEAR to be who i am NOT. I've given in to worldly tempts. What i want to derive from my actions, are merely skin-deep pleasures of life. I enjoy, but its just that spur of the moment. After that, when i wake up the next morning feeling utterly empty and meaningless - a wasted being feeding on the world,like a parasite.
Where's God?
I admit, going to church was about the fun,the friends and the company. Felt like a total freak. Guilty and shamed. I never could imagine how i would be able to face God when the day of judgement arrives, for me.
Petrified? Probably crumble into a lump of dust...
Andrea Yim
2:12 PM
