Don't fucking tell me...
My head fucking hurts now. Ouch.
Headaches are rare occurrences that disrupt the necessary tasks to be contended to. Ever since that brutal episode, i thought i wouldn't be able to see the first rays of daylight after that fateful night.But, thank God , i lived through it. I also thank God my brother came home and dented the door with a metal rod.
Now, i get headaches really often,massive ones. When I'm troubled, overwhelmed by those irritating people in my life, or struggle so hard to find an answer to a mentally provoking thought. When the 'depression meter' shoots up to a remarkable point to note. The horrible feeling stays, its beyond the power of language to be expressed.
Maybe i should conform to the worldly concepts of the people today - dominance of superficial phoneys. Perhaps its time i make a stand for myself. And shout out my frustration to all these buggers. FUCK OFF. *wham* into their face.
But i slumped back into the comfort of my armchair, and fell silent. I stared at my screen, blank and numb. At that very moment, all hopes fell on the ability to trust,care or even love someone. AGAIN. I know its a common paranoia that shattered hearts face. Its not the case here.
I trust people, expecting respect in return, at least. Time and time again, they just throw it out of the window. If i shy away from risking the trust, and care and love, i would have forfeited my freedom to grow, love... ...etc.I hope i do not numb myself and isolate myself from those wonders the world has,in store for me despite the majority simply do not coincide with my likings. -------------------
- Don't call me and ask me if anyone's at home and mention that u were just passing by, on your way home to rest. Cos you're very tired.- Don't tell me you need someone to talk to and ask me to call you when you don't even know what the hell is my name. - Don't message me all the time telling me you are very bored. And start flooding my friendster inbox telling me you will wait for me and all that fucking shit. - Don't start sending me nonsensical testimonials telling me to accept it only when i love you back in return. I fucking won't. - Don't keep calling me in the middle of the night at ungodly hours(2-3am) and expect me to talk. - Don't keep calling me to go out when you haven't looked into the mirror and see how you look like when I AM ALREADY ATTACHED AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT.- Don't ask me why i can't/don't want to go out with you when you book out on weekends. they are OUT OF BOUNDS. - Don't call me telling me that your bus to camp goes past my school everyday and you just realised it. And ask me out for a movie on friday evening. - Don't call me and tell me that i can always look for you if my boyfriend cannot PLEASE me. FUCKING GO TO HELL. I TOLD YOU I AM HAPPY.Understand?!!- Stop harassing my poor sister just to get me to go out with you. Just because you can't contact me means you can bug my sister incessantly? And she comes complaining to me about it. - Don't come telling me what a great girlfriend i would be for your fucking friend who shares the exact same interests as i do. No, thanks.- Don't ask me out when i'm so sick, i can't contend to my daily tasks. It doesn't make sense at all. - Don't tell me we can hang out and suggest we can go to your place after that to wash up. - Don't fucking fake an accent when your command of language is beyond comprehension. Its nauseating. - Don't message me on msn going 'hey babe'. and asking me why i didn't msg you after leaving your number when i'm not even responding to your messages on msn. - Don't message me if you got my numbers from others WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. And ask me if u can be my friend. --------------------
I guess that's about all, i think. *phew* What do you think i am? Some fucking sleazebag out there, God-knows-what I'm doing? Now let me get it clear, FUCK OFF. Get out of my life. I know what I'm doing. I love myself. I love my baby. We love God.
Arrgh.My head's entering an episode of throbs... I feel like pulling my hair out.
I'm so pissed.
Extreme fatigue takes over...
*stares,not knowing how to feel now*
Hmmm, how should i feel? Good question.
Remorse, for i have been freaking vulgar. Maybe i'm being too harsh.
Its just not me. I hate myself. I so hate myself.
Andrea Yim
5:07 PM
