Monday, January 23, 2006

Andrea Yim
9:25 PM

Friday, January 20, 2006

My head fucking hurts now. Ouch.

Headaches are rare occurrences that disrupt the necessary tasks to be contended to. Ever since that brutal episode, i thought i wouldn't be able to see the first rays of daylight after that fateful night.But, thank God , i lived through it. I also thank God my brother came home and dented the door with a metal rod.

Now, i get headaches really often,massive ones. When I'm troubled, overwhelmed by those irritating people in my life, or struggle so hard to find an answer to a mentally provoking thought. When the 'depression meter' shoots up to a remarkable point to note. The horrible feeling stays, its beyond the power of language to be expressed.

Maybe i should conform to the worldly concepts of the people today - dominance of superficial phoneys. Perhaps its time i make a stand for myself. And shout out my frustration to all these buggers. FUCK OFF. *wham* into their face.

But i slumped back into the comfort of my armchair, and fell silent. I stared at my screen, blank and numb. At that very moment, all hopes fell on the ability to trust,care or even love someone. AGAIN. I know its a common paranoia that shattered hearts face. Its not the case here.

I trust people, expecting respect in return, at least. Time and time again, they just throw it out of the window. If i shy away from risking the trust, and care and love, i would have forfeited my freedom to grow, love... ...etc.

I hope i do not numb myself and isolate myself from those wonders the world has,in store for me despite the majority simply do not coincide with my likings.





- Don't call me and ask me if anyone's at home and mention that u were just passing by, on your way home to rest. Cos you're very tired.

- Don't tell me you need someone to talk to and ask me to call you when you don't even know what the hell is my name.

- Don't message me all the time telling me you are very bored. And start flooding my friendster inbox telling me you will wait for me and all that fucking shit.

- Don't start sending me nonsensical testimonials telling me to accept it only when i love you back in return. I fucking won't.

- Don't keep calling me in the middle of the night at ungodly hours(2-3am) and expect me to talk.

- Don't keep calling me to go out when you haven't looked into the mirror and see how you look like when I AM ALREADY ATTACHED AND YOU FUCKING KNOW IT.

- Don't ask me why i can't/don't want to go out with you when you book out on weekends. they are OUT OF BOUNDS.

- Don't call me telling me that your bus to camp goes past my school everyday and you just realised it. And ask me out for a movie on friday evening.

- Don't call me and tell me that i can always look for you if my boyfriend cannot PLEASE me. FUCKING GO TO HELL. I TOLD YOU I AM HAPPY.Understand?!!

- Stop harassing my poor sister just to get me to go out with you. Just because you can't contact me means you can bug my sister incessantly? And she comes complaining to me about it.

- Don't come telling me what a great girlfriend i would be for your fucking friend who shares the exact same interests as i do. No, thanks.

- Don't ask me out when i'm so sick, i can't contend to my daily tasks. It doesn't make sense at all.

- Don't tell me we can hang out and suggest we can go to your place after that to wash up.

- Don't fucking fake an accent when your command of language is beyond comprehension. Its nauseating.

- Don't message me on msn going 'hey babe'. and asking me why i didn't msg you after leaving your number when i'm not even responding to your messages on msn.

- Don't message me if you got my numbers from others WITHOUT MY PERMISSION. And ask me if u can be my friend.





Andrea Yim
5:07 PM

Thursday, January 19, 2006

This was an e mail that my friend sent me. It's just another mail that people circulates. If you have a friend from City Harvest Church, it'd probably increase the possibilities of you receiving it. Anyway... there i go again. Desolate and submerged in a dark abyss of thoughts.




26 Beautiful One-liners

1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.
2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope.
3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.
4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.
5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but never let him be the period.
6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.
7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.
8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.
9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.
10. We don't change God's message -- His message changes us.
11. The church is prayer-conditioned.
12. When God ordains, He sustains.
13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.
14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.
15. Most people want to serve God! But only in an advisory position.
16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.
17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.
18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.
19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.
20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back
21. He who angers you controls you.
22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.
23. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.
24. Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them & He'll clean them.
25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called...
26. Read the Bible -- It will scare the hell out of you.

Andrea Yim
3:46 PM

Introducing my dog, Faith. and her favourite adidas soccer ball. Haha.

I feel so laid back. A sense of achievement overwhlems me. I've been looking for this song, by David Gates. It's titled 'I can't sing without you'. Yes yes, go on and say I'm old. Hmmm, that's me. Yup.

I looked conveniently out of the window. The clouds look like rags hanging low from the ceiling. Hmmm... its a threat. Isn't it?I am tempted to blame the weather for my disability to fight of the viruses this time. Thus, fall prey to the bacteria in me, causing a sore throat and fever. Say, its been a while since i've been sick. Haa...

Sitting at the usual quiet corner of my room, cosy enough for two. Only. haha. My mind is spinning...partially contributed by my medication. Help. I was pondering... racking my brains desperately for an answer. In the quiet solitude of my room, when the whirling ceiling fan penetrates through the still silence.

Is it right, for a guy to ask a girl out,when he knows he has a girlfriend? And suggests that she can go up to his place after that, to wash up.

That's my question. Be it whether there's a deeper implementation of motives or not. I'm staring at the screen, not knowing how to go on thinking.

I shall send some quality time with Faith. A living being who will never turn their backs on me, despite my negligence towards her. She's called Faith for a reason. And I'm so glad i have her in my life. Even when i don't want to play with her most of the times, when i don't have time to spare her daily walks, when i don't bother about her craving for attention from me. Guess she will be the only one who accepts me for who i really am, no matter what happens. She understands my thoughts, when i'm feeling down, when she misses me... she will walk up to me and place her head close to me, or put her hand on me and hug me.

I feel so sorry i've never been a thoughtful owner at all. The guilt in me is unbearable. I'm so blessed to have such a dog. I feel so lucky after seeing other dogs, wailing and barking away at simply nothing. or even worse, their own owners. Faith only wags her tail and portrays her enthusiasm and exhilaration through her actions like hugging people, running around wanting to play with them, or just wagging her long, furry tail happily. When told not to play, she would h=jsut find the nearest place possible,to me, and just sit down and be there, for me - waiting patiently,and falls asleep unknowingly.

Thank you Faith. I owe you so much. I love you.

Playing on my blog: I think God can explain by Splenders

Andrea Yim
2:50 PM

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Andrea Yim
9:08 AM

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Was just reading someone else's blog. I don't know what to say. Some people just find themselves irritating, even to their loved ones!!! How can THEY be a loved one, and their concern, care and willingness to be with you, irritate you? It just doesn't make sense. Think about it.

A loved one definitely HAS to know you quite well... so he/she would have accepted you for who you are, what kind of person you are. And if he/she is a loved one, he/she would be frank and true enough to know its PERFECTLY OKAY to let you know about their feelings towards you.And they will tell you if you are REALLY irritating.

I just feel so wierd. And i don't know how to put it. Nevermind.

Its just the start of the week. I think i've got some controversy on my blog. I'm seriously very pissed off by neptew,who for some reason, doesn't dare to reveal his real name. Anyway, i just don't know why these people try to judge my life when they don't even know the whole story - he probably only knows the good side. Man, this is the world. Like what someone said, in this world today, transparency and truthfulness is never easy to come by. this little boy is probably blinded. sigh. things are being hidden under carpets and never raked up again.

Injustice!!! ... ... *looks around.* The stoney surroundings spells out the effective end of my weak protest.

nobody's listening. Maybe God is. Hmmm.

Andrea Yim
1:42 PM

Monday, January 16, 2006

Its a Monday again. I don't know what to play on my blog.


Corrine May? Angels in disguise.
Incomplete? Backstreet boys.
In christ alone?
I'll stand by you? Pretenders
I think God can explain? Splender.


Hmmm,meanwhile, I'll settle for this song, iris by goo goo dolls. I don't know why the band has such a name.But nevertheless, i like the song.


What I've faced so far since the start of the week. An irritating person,an unfortunate coincidnece that's not of the same race as i am, intruded the silence and solicitude in me. Its okay. I'm forgiving. :) i really forgive her. haha. Somebody tells me this once in a while, "wherever you go, there's bound to be ppl who just do not click with you. you just gotta bear with it. if you go on looking for a perfect environment, it'll probably be the IMH. " :)


gotta go. see ya!


Andrea Yim
9:46 AM

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Andrea Yim
3:38 PM

As usual, the rain has been much of a hassle lately - i hate carrying umbrellas around. I'm numb now, mentally and physically.I can't seem to figure out what's wrong with me, or the world. Perhaps its both. I'm not too sure.

This idiotic PERSON kept bugging me today. And it made me wonder, is it still racism if I discriminate against people of MY OWN RACE.Interesting huh? heh.

Things are not turning out the way i want them to be, but God didn't promised that things would be smooth sailing too. Yes, and its one of those moments whereby you sit down and start thinking... "Why?".

How I wish I could isolate myself and detach my association from everyone...then there would be no constraints, no conflicting ideas/decisions, no ... ... is the problem just me being hasty about growing up? I can't wait to live, on my own. Away from my parents...

I don't see a point of reconciling and building the bond between us anymore. Go on and say that I'm rebellious.But building the bond is done since we were young,when we start accepting them as parents. What about them? Now the problem is this. People listen to them more because they go on hollering relentlessly - and i don't. In addition to that, I don't seem to understand what is the fucking liking they took to exaggerate ,to make things WORSE. I think they really hate me. Why do they always want to pin me down for the little things i do? Why do they like to disrupt the plans i have laid out and made known?

Just because they think its the best for me? Love, in this manner will not be reciprocated because it is not even felt. In turn, adverse effects will result. It has been history. Now, repeated. Another chance is left. One more. that's all. I hope they do not screw up the last chance they have, not to make the same OLD MISTAKES they have committed twice.

Soon, all of us will turn our backs against them. Financial support is all that will be given. Nothing else. If i ever had kids, I'd prefer that they stay away. Partly due to such upbringing, i admit that its not easy being a parent.But, on the other hand, I don't think i will make a good parent.

Parenting is not about intimidating, using monetary terms to gain something you want , and instilling fear so that the child would obey. Parenting is about a bond of understanding what each other wants and thus sharing the life, accepting each other for who they really are.

In my case, I know who I am. She's not the type of people who accepts people for who they really are. She has a 'criteria' for everyone she sees. Once someone APPEARS like a punk or dress down a little, she would belittle them. She somehow reminds me of the pharasees.

I hate to become like her...the way she does things, cover up her ass or change to another topic where she can still prove your misdeeds. Judgemental? I don't wish to accomodate with such homosapiens in fear of subcinscious influence - which can be rather contagious and thus, deadly.

Perhaps I'm just beginning to find out who my mom really is. I am grateful for ehr good intentions... but its time she gets the message through her fucking nutshell that we, too, ahve brains. Yes, we need her guidance. and please, guidance is not control. There's a stark contrast.

All in all, I'm very disappointed and utterly speechless... ... I feel i have been deceived. They are not who i thought they WERE. And i am not who they thought i was. The bond of understanding was never there. All the care, were superficial. Emphasis were on results and a freaking nerdy appearance that we should upkeep - in fear that OTHERS will KNOW that we are of better 'quality'.

I'm not. As from previous posts about my perspectives on how i would like to live my life. Superficial terms are definitely not my cup of tea. What's more important is the meaning behind all that i do.

It's the thought that counts.

Andrea Yim
9:55 AM

Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Somewhere between the procrastination...
and the homework...and the incessant forwards...
and the calls to each other about crushes.

Somewhere between the phone calls to old friends and the "how are you"s and the "i miss you"s.

And somewhere between the classes...
and the skipping classes...
and the studying for tests...
and the pretending to study for tests...
and the downright not studying for tests,
I forgot.

I forgot what high school was all about. I forgot what it meant to cry.

I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy...
and that pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart.
I forgot that you can just forget the past in fear of the future.

I learned that its okay to mess up...
and its okay to ask for help...
and its okay to be crude.
I learned its okay to complain and whine toa ll your friends for a whole day.
I learned that the greatest things you want most you jsut cant have.

I learnt that the greatest things about school isn't the dances, drinking or hook-ups, but ...

the friendships,which means taking chances...
I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget are the things which we most wanted to talk about.

I learned that the msot important things are the letters from friends. Sending cards to friends makes me feel better.
Basically, i learnt that my friends, both old and new,are the most important people to me in the world.Without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. So,this is a big thank you to all my friends for always being there.

Thank you.

this little thought is specially going out to the 'Pom Berrians'. My gratitude to all of you is beyond explanation. I'm glad to have all of you in my life.

*i thought it would be better not naming all of you out individually*

take care and all the best ahead.I'll be here for you, if u still need me.








Andrea Yim
3:16 PM

Its another rainy day.My mood is as gloomy as the grey clouds that simply refuse to budge or disappear - and let me have some fun. Here i am, bored, cold and hungry. Like most people, whose plans are spoilt on a rainy season, I'm sitting infront of my desk, music playing in the background and chatting with friends from everywhere. Friends who knew me since God knows when, friends whom i have yet to meet face-to-face but seem to share the unexplainable connection - understanding.

The whirling headache is back again. Slept at some ungodly hour last night after talking on the phone for bloody three hours. Now, i can only pray for divine intervention, that Singtel prints errors on my phone bill. :D

If my monitor is alive, it'd probably be laughing at me - a zombified person staring at the screen, dazed and bleary. Mentally dead. I'm unable to think straight now. Its scary when undesirable temptations decide to overwhelm me now. It'd probably be the end of me. I'm serious. Nobody really knows where I am, mentally. My thoughts, what I want to do, things i would love to contend to.

Most people around me expect me to be the person i appear to be. Well, that's not their fault, because i APPEAR to be who i am NOT. I've given in to worldly tempts. What i want to derive from my actions, are merely skin-deep pleasures of life. I enjoy, but its just that spur of the moment. After that, when i wake up the next morning feeling utterly empty and meaningless - a wasted being feeding on the world,like a parasite.

Where's God?

I admit, going to church was about the fun,the friends and the company. Felt like a total freak. Guilty and shamed. I never could imagine how i would be able to face God when the day of judgement arrives, for me.

Petrified? Probably crumble into a lump of dust...

Andrea Yim
2:12 PM

Monday, January 09, 2006

It has been a rainy day...since morning(if my memory did not fail me). My hands were stiffened due to the lack of warmth. Here i am, sitting under some adequate lighting, worn out by one of the dreaded chores in life. Intending to check out the weather conditions outside, hoping that the cold would go away, I tilted my head slightly to the right and took a peek out of the glass panels. My hopes for a little warmth were sent diving down steeply ,instantaneously.Reluctantly, i accepted the fate of my little delicate hands - to have to withstand the bitter conditions till ... ...

Slumped back into my chair, I stared helplessly at the undone tasks that lay sprawled in the most untidy fashion, before me. I ponder... is this all about life? Undone tasks? Be it duties/responsibilities that we abhor/detest. It is all done grudgingly. Some do it in fear of losing their jobs,others succumb to their dreaded assigned tasks,not for the passion but for the wrong reasons/purposes - the money.

Does life HAVE to be that way?What about real passion, true meaning and rightful purposes? I realised that all these virtues have become humour - something people laugh at when strived for.

Lets take this frequently asked question, for example.
"A meaningful or materialistic life.What would you PREFER?"

Now, hold on before you really answer.

Think hard.

Are you sure it is a meaningful life that you REALLY hunger for? Let me emphasize on the word - HUNGER.

Well,just some food for thought. :)

As for me, I admit. I AM someone who is very much taken away by materialistic properties/gains in life. I drool at the latest, most powerful gadgets in the market , I splurge on branded clothing and fashionwear , I am bothered by my superficial appearances...

But, I do take a step back, and realised I am just like one of the many out there who are fatally attracted to the mere skin-deep qualities in life. Now that can be quite shallow, you know. Not implying that it is WRONG to BE SUPERFICIAL. But somehow, i make this barrier for myself - to remain conscious inwardly. I prevent myself from straying too far...and becoming a mere follower of fashion , a phoney.

Life can be a pretty tough journey to set out for and to complete. But interestingly, its not a typical adventure whereby you plan all your routes well at the beginning and success is assured. Its a special journey where you meet many obstacles/hindrances along the planned/unplanned paths. thats when one have to decide and think for themselves," which route would benefit the most?" and "what do i get out of it at the end of the day?" . However, the most important question to me would be, "is this route sustainable/reliable in the long run?is it SAFE to take this route?"

Lastly,pray about it. I'm sure I would be pretty fine :) heh.

This is my life folks. Gotta run. Take care. Its a public holiday !!! Enjoy. I love this song so much.

Playing on my blog: Hero by Enrique Inglesias
Specially dedicated to a very special someone :) *blush*


Andrea Yim
3:44 PM

Sunday, January 08, 2006

Hmmm... i really do miss grapevine. Maybe i should enlighten you readers by describing the place( just to avoid all the questions on msn messenger asking where it is and what is so special about it) :)

well,first of all,its the lightings and ambience that really placed my soul to rest,although i was really feeling troubled that night. prior to that, i was feeling confused,lost and didn't know what i should do. It has a pool table and cosy seatings.

About the drinks and concoctions... ... not badly done :) finger food there is fantastic,i heard.have personally tried a few types, not all ,YET. haha..

Am looking forward to hanging out there soon... :) hate the soccer days..thank God its not really the soccer season now :)

ok...its rather late...i need the rest.... my beauty sleep!!!haha. sheesh....its the start of a week again...*sighs* im looking forward to the Hari Raya holidays.

to everyone, have a great holiday. well,at least, i know i'll enjoy mine :) (typical selfish singaporean mindset) ;)

Andrea Yim
10:32 PM

Hmmm... its the first weekend of the year 2006...
I just realised a really great chill out place...somewhere like a getaway from the realities of life...

In the serenity of the still night, i would like to head down there...not on teh days when soccer is played on the big and small screens everywhere...
quiet nights...cool...with a disconcerted silence in the atmosphere.

well,that place is none other than grapevine.


Andrea Yim
7:22 PM

Andrea Yim
7:03 PM

Andrea Yim
6:56 PM

Andrea Yim
6:48 PM

Andrea Yim
6:39 PM

Friday, January 06, 2006

I know there are problems i face everyday.things that happen, things that i do, consequences i've got to bear. is the world putting up a false front? all the plastic smiles... im stuck in a reverie...wondering if they're(these people) true or not. its so difficult to trust anyone...not even the people closest to me...my parents, close frens or used-to-be close frens...

Maybe they're busy with their lives...new environments to adapt to, life goes on...new friends...forget the old.its simple. yea, the past is also forgotten. its the hurts they wanna forget...the darkness and tearless nights they never wished had happened... and can go on pretending it never did happen

yes, they were really strong pillars of strength although i dont share alot. its not that i didnt trust them. i know how it feels like to bear such a heavy burden...if they knew, it'd be overwhelming them - little youthful innocent lives,,,who never knew what it will ever be like to go through some of the inevitable yet unfortunate things in my life...

one shall not put the blame on others...but everyone has a part to play,a contribution to the messy, ugly state things have turned out - this way. think about it man. I'm so tired.


my mind is sent in a whirl.. spinning.

Andrea Yim
9:30 PM

Sunday, January 01, 2006

Andrea Yim
9:01 PM

The .Me.

Yimmie aka Yimzika

Turns a year older on 24th Nov

Tennis!

Running!

Wakeboarding

Cycling

Baking cookies for my goombah!

My golden retriever,Faith!

My grizzly bear

Sun tanning at Sentosa with Faith

Pinetrees :p

The dreadful past

11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006

- The links -