e s o p h o r i a -all about my imperfections as a confused sinner.

=>my cousin(on ur right) and me! :p

Woke up to a stinging pain in my foot this morning. Did a whole lotta shopping yesterday. Kinda did a wardrobe revamp :) i pierced my ears too :)

woke up really early...felt that i was gettin fat, so, went for a good swim with my cousin.

then, went down town for a crazy shopping spree. Enjoyed myself a whole lot. oh btw, shopping as in really browsing through stuffs we wanna get and not LOOKING THRU A FEW STUFFED TOYS AT TOYS R' US... yea.that, in my context, is not shopping. :)

oh well...its a sad sad world today.

a friend just called to de-stress and share her troubles. needless to say, troubles of the heart.But i don't think its common nowadays. She loves this guy very much,and is willing to sacrifice alot for him.So,Ms A(lets call her that) did give alot,when guys are supposed to sacrifice more...well, being the guy. yea. but her boyfriend, Mr B(lets call him that)...despite all that she has done, he still cant forget his ex girlfriends... and she feels very helpless.she doesn't blame him being this way cos its not easy to let go of the past. So, she felt really frustrated and confused.But the worse thing was, she really loved him so much,she's willing to tolerate.Confessing her stupidity,she sighed.I hope she pulls herself back together and stay strong. :)

MYRAID OF COLORS

It was yet another of my uncle's thoughtless gifts:mundane and insignificant. It was,indeed,another item added to the weathered cardboard box sitting at one lonely corner of my room labelled 'junk'. A frown etched on my forehead as i tossed it into the box without hesitating,and sighed with much distaste. Perhaps it was jsut one of my mood swings that day that spoilt everything. My brows were knitted as the noise of the ceiling fan penetrated the still silence in my enclosed room. I did not fancy anyone's company and preferred to be all alone that sweltering hot afternoon. Slumping into the comfort of my cozy bed, my sight coincidentally settled onto thatunattractive yellow cardboard box,threatening to split it apart any moment. My mind plunged into total blankness and i felt numb. My eyes spoke the emptiness in me that very moment.

I had to admit that depression was the only cause of the disconcerted silence and darkness in me. the melancholic wooden block jutting out of the overstrained box had an authentic taste of uniqueness. it appealed to me as if it had an unexplainable force of attraction, so strong my resistance could not withstand.Together with my inquisitive nature,i gave in eventually.

I trudged mindlessly the the box as i fished out the foreign object. It was an act to ease my fervid hankers to reveal its purpose on Earth. I scanned it from every possible angle - twisting and turing it apprehensively, as i tried desperately to search for a clue of usefulness in it.

The piece of glass that sealed the end of the hollow wooden tube glinted everytime it met the sun rays that swiftly glided past the window sills,right into my room. To appease my common sense's urge to uncover the mysteries of what the insignificant gift beholds, i closed an eye and shiften my focus away from the physical qualities of it.

Peering through the circular piece of crystal clear glass, i was instantaneouslsy captured by the beauty of the patterns displayed. Different colors bond in unity to form a random but attractive shape. My mouth fell agape in rapt fascination.

I twitched in sheer excitement as a warm fuzzy feeling rose from my stomach to my throat. The kaleidoscope shool with a slight jerka dn the pattern changed.Soon,i can to a realisation. The patterns evolve as the tiny bits of tinted glass pieces are the cause behind each and every beautiful creation inside the kaleidoscope.

I squinted my eyes as i stared long and hard. Observing closely, i came to a conclusion taht the different colors piece in neatly with each other,despite their differing size,shape and color. To prove my hypothesis reliable, i kept turning the kaleidoscope in circles. My eyes were weary by now, but i managed to make a closer observation - the pieces moved slowly, falling into place as if each and every position was all planned for.

Accelerating the speed a little, i managed to skim through a handful of different patterns. To my surprise, i did not like some patterns as much as a few special others. As i was envisioning the panoramic view i could gain from the unattractive item,i was reluctantly unwilling to continue turning.

Snapping back to reality,my mind summoned my defiant hands to carry out its orders dutifully. Curbing my fantasies about the particular pattern which i have grown a special liking to; i ahd to keep on looking and browse through the other patterns the kaleidoscope could offer - nicer or worse.

All i could hope for was for fate to allow me to come upon the same pattern again. The reluctance as well as the enthusiasm to continue stirred up mixed emotions in me - my decisions were contradicting each other. Just then, my eyes glistened. The water in my eyes was a sigh of lethargy.

I was as if i just woke up from the sweetest dream, blurry eyed and dazed. Exhausted, it was as if i was taken for the most thrilling ride, and just landed back to Earth. Glancing at my watch, an hour had passed. I recalled the last thing i did before entering the "unbelievable world of mirages".

I was in a moody state. Sitting there helplessly, my mind fell deep with thought. My furrowed brows and piercing facial expression gave me away. It was time i took life and death seriously and reconsider my values,my purpose and meaning of exsistence.

The behaviour of the kaleidoscope resembled of my idea of the circle of life. The feeling of uncertainty, the unexpected turn-outs of events, suspense brought about unpredictability, etc. I guess, this is how fate works. However,no matter what happens,bad or good, life still had to go on, like how i had to keep turning the kaleidoscope or I would enver know what wonderful patterns were in stall for me that were yet to be formed.

From the understanding of the kaleidoscope, i learnt that we can only hope for the best in life. Even though we trip over obstacles along the journey, we still ahve to pick ourselves up adn move on for we never know what might happen. Like how unsightly patterns that did not suit my taste evolve into beautiful, colorful collages that simply captivated my attention at the slightest glance.

Andrea Yim
5:06 PM