e s o p h o r i a -all about my imperfections as a confused sinner.

MOVED- click on it

Andrea Yim
8:11 PM

"Unsaid"

Not that you're the one
Not to say I'm right
Not to say today
And not to say a thing tonight

But suffice it to say
We're leaving things unsaid
We sing ourselves to sleep
Watching the day lie down instead

And we are leaving some things unsaid
And we are breathing deeper instead

We're both pretty sure
Neither one can tell
We seem difficult
What we got is hard as hell

A hundred thousand words could not quite explain
So I walk you to your car And we can talk it out in the rain

And we are leaving some things unsaid
And we are breathing deeper instead
And we are leaving some things unsaid

I can sing myself to sleep
No more

Not that you're the one
Not to say I'm right
Not to say today
And not to say a thing tonight

Andrea Yim
2:06 PM

"Over My Head (Cable Car)"

I never knew
I never knew that everything was falling through
That everyone I knew was waiting on a queue
To turn and run when all I needed was the truth
But that's how it's got to be

It's coming down to nothing more than apathy
I'd rather run the other way than stay and see
The smoke and who's still standing when it clears
Everyone knows I'm in

Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Let's rearrange
I wish you were a stranger I could disengage
Just say that we agree and then never change
Soften a bit until we all just get along
But that's disregard

Find another friend and you discard
As you lose the argument in a cable car
Hanging above as the canyon comes between
Everyone knows I'm in

Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind
Everyone knows I'm in

Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

And suddenly I become a part of your past
I'm becoming the part that don't last
I'm losing you and its effortless
Without a sound we lose sight of the ground
In the throw around
Never thought that you wanted to bring it down
I won't let it go down till we torch it ourselves
And everyone knows I'm in

Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind
Everyone knows

She's on your mind
Everyone knows I'm in over my head
I'm in over my head
I'm in over...

Everyone knows I'm in
Over my head
Over my head
With eight seconds left in overtime
She's on your mind
She's on your mind

Andrea Yim
2:02 PM

of love, we have always had little to say.
the acute dimensions that define reality,
the center of this illusion; a crimson jewel,
beating against the backdrop of hope,
gyrates to the
melody of silence,
pounding violence,
gainst the golden gates of injustice.
You would not think this special,
just a mundane ritual,
following the inevitable demise of
the human gem.
Night surrenders to day,
as orange splashes across
the horizon of the divine realm,
and the darkened cherubs,
weary,come to rest between the recesses of sin.
The song of foreverstops.
Deeper and deeper, we sink,
indulging in the wildest,
most dangerous of human temptations,
and breathing, heavily.
the smoke of lust and fantasy;
the great divide blurring in the distance.
in this world of two, nothing will make a difference
fickle time as time itself: in essence,
it watches, it reveals a smile;
forever hurting, forever healing;
crooked, resembling a sinister frown.

Andrea Yim
1:43 PM

Stars...

I paced down the familiar corridor with much alacrity, bearing in mind the other patients who were fast asleep. The overwhelming smell of disinfectants no longer posed as a constant irritation to me. Finally, i saw the ward number 46, and took a sharp turn,disappearing into the pitch dark ward. Due to heavier work commitments, i arrived late, standing by my father's bed. The ward was silent by now. The whirling of the ceiling fans penetrated the disconcerted silence in the atmosphere. I stared listlessly,down at my father who laid limp, on his bed. I wanted to hold his hand, talk to him and find out how he was feeling, hoping his condition has improved. That little spark of hope i clung onto, was minimastically pathetic. Flashbacks of the doctor's speeches recurred in my head. I was reminded of my father's condition - he didn't have much time left. The slightest thought of it sent torrents of tears trickling down my warm cheeks. I sniffled, trying to fight them back.

Intrinsically a light sleeper, my father woke up. He caught sight of my tears, and stared at me sadly. He managed to speak, in a thin, raspy voice :'Son, take me out for a walk, will you? I want to see if there're stars tonight.' I strained my ears as i struggled to make out his almost incoherent speech, fearing that he might overwork himself while trying to repeat what he said. Reluctantly, i took the wheelchair and brought him out to the sanctuary. He lifted his head anxiously, to find a dark sky spotted with many specks of shine and gliterry artpieces. For once in many years, i've never managed to see my father smile like he really meant it - often to comfort my worried sick,soul. My heart skipped a beat.

I knew why he requested for this walk in the park. I treaded the soft wet grass beneath me, slowly, as i reminisced the times i had spent with him when i was a little boy. I used to cry unconsolably at night when i couldnt get to sleep. My worn out father took me to the garden one night, cuddling me in his arms. The pain in his eyes were piercing, as the young, weary father did not know what to do. He pointed out the many spots of light in the pitch dark night sky and said 'Look baby, do you know what is that? It is a star!' He told me the star was so small but yet wasn't engulfed by the overwhelming darkness of the night sky. Thus, he wanted me to grow up as a strong little boy, just like the stars that appear at night. He taught me to be brave and bold like shining stars. I promised him and from then on that i'll be his little star and i never cried at night anymore.

Snapping out of my reverie, my father had passed out, unnoticed. A knife-piercing pain stabbed my heart as i jumped to my senses. I rushed him into the hospital and called for the doctor urgently.

' Your father didn't manage to pull throught this time. I'm sorry.'

I sat there blankly as i watched them wheel my beloved out of the operation theatre. The world around me died away. The tears that rushed to my eyes this time was incomparable to any other occasion that bore grief and sorrow. I cried like a baby...wailing shamelessly as if there was no one around me.

I knew my father thought that i had forgot about that very memorable incident. He must have been upset and disappointed. Most of all, hurt.

'I didn't forget it at all daddy.' But...

'Your little star is crying again.I'm sorry.'

Andrea Yim
6:12 PM

Missing Rib.

A girl in love asked her boyfriend.
Girl: Who do you love most in this world?
Boy: You, of course!
Girl: In your heart, what am i to you?

The boy thought for a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said, 'you are my rib.It was said that God saw that Adam was lonely during his sleep. God then took one of Adam's rib and created Eve.Everyman has been searching for his missing rib, only when you find the woman of your life, you'll no longer feel the lingering ache in your heart.'

After their wedding, the couple had a sweet and happy life for a while. However, the youthful couple began to drift apart due to the busy schedule of life and the never-ending worries of daily problems, their life became mundane.

All the challenges posed by the harsh realities of life began to gnaw away their dreams and love for each other.The couple started to quarell often, getting more heating as each quarell occured.One day, after a quarrell, the girl ran out of the house. At the opposite side of the roads, she shouted :'You don't love me!'

The boy hated her childishness and retorted: 'Maybe it was a mistake for us to be together.YOu were never my missing rib!'

Suddenly she turned quiet and stood there for a long while.He regretted what he said but could not take back his words. Tearfully, she went home and packed her things, determined to break up. 'If i'm really not your missing rib, please let me go.It is less painful this way,that we seperate paths.'

5 years went by. He never remarried but he tried to find out about her life indirectly.She had left the country and back.She had married a foreigner and divorced.He felt anguished that she never waited for him.

In the dark and lonely night, he lit his cigarette and felt the lingering ache in his heart.He couldn't bring himself to admit he was missing her.One day, they finally met.He was going away on a business trip and she was standing there,just the security door seperating them.

She smiled gently.
Man: How are you?
Woman: I'm fine. How about you? Have you found your missing rib?
Man: No
Woman: I'll be flying to New York in the next flight.
Man:I'll be back in 2 weeks time. Give me a call when you are back. You know my number. Nothing has changed.

They bidded each other goodbye.

He heard of her death one week later.She had perished in New York. Midnight, he lit his cigarette again, the lingering ache etched..Midnight, once again, he lit his cigarette. And like before, he felt the lingering ache in his heart. He finally knew. She was the missing rib that he had carelessly broken.Sometimes, people say things out of moments of fury. Most often than not, the outcome could be disastrous and detrimental. Thinking twice is easier said than done....especially when one is furious...

Andrea Yim
8:55 AM

Missing Rib.

A girl in love asked her boyfriend.
Girl: Who do you love most in this world?
Boy: You, of course!
Girl: In your heart, what am i to you?

The boy thought for a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said, 'you are my rib.It was said that God saw that Adam was lonely during his sleep. God then took one of Adam's rib and created Eve.Everyman has been searching for his missing rib, only when you find the woman of your life, you'll no longer feel the lingering ache in your heart.'

After their wedding, the couple had a sweet and happy life for a while. However, the youthful couple began to drift apart due to the busy schedule of life and the never-ending worries of daily problems, their life became mundane.

All the challenges posed by the harsh realities of life began to gnaw away their dreams and love for each other.The couple started to quarell often, getting more heating as each quarell occured.One day, after a quarrell, the girl ran out of the house. At the opposite side of the roads, she shouted :'You don't love me!'

The boy hated her childishness and retorted: 'Maybe it was a mistake for us to be together.YOu were never my missing rib!'

Suddenly she turned quiet and stood there for a long while.He regretted what he said but could not take back his words. Tearfully, she went home and packed her things, determined to break up. 'If i'm really not your missing rib, please let me go.It is less painful this way,that we seperate paths.'

5 years went by. He never remarried but he tried to find out about her life indirectly.She had left the country and back.She had married a foreigner and divorced.He felt anguished that she never waited for him.

In the dark and lonely night, he lit his cigarette and felt the lingering ache in his heart.He couldn't bring himself to admit he was missing her.One day, they finally met.He was going away on a business trip and she was standing there,just the security door seperating them.

She smiled gently.
Man: How are you?
Woman: I'm fine. How about you? Have you found your missing rib?
Man: No
Woman: I'll be flying to New York in the next flight.
Man:I'll be back in 2 weeks time. Give me a call when you are back. You know my number. Nothing has changed.

They bidded each other goodbye.

He heard of her death one week later.She had perished in New York. Midnight, he lit his cigarette again, the lingering ache etched..Midnight, once again, he lit his cigarette. And like before, he felt the lingering ache in his heart. He finally knew. She was the missing rib that he had carelessly broken.Sometimes, people say things out of moments of fury. Most often than not, the outcome could be disastrous and detrimental. Thinking twice is easier said than done....especially when one is furious...

Andrea Yim
8:55 AM

I fought my tears back as i dialled the usual good night call to him. I told him what my heart has left to say - The little that was left inside of me. I gave it all to him.

I wished whatever he said earlier on, were true. The delusion of lust blinded me. I don't want to carry on loving that way. Its so fucking difficult. I don't want to hurt myself anymore. I'm bleeding profusely. I tried to bear with the gruesome scene. I tried hard. There's so much my heart can take. I'm giving up.

0246. I laid on my bed. I wished i knew what to do. I buried my head in my pillow and cried so hard. As i penn my thoughts down, the tears can't seem to stop, hoping my uncontrollable wailing wouldn't wake my parents.

A big part of Yimmie is lost. The monstrocity of devastation has consumed that much of her. There's nothing left for herself, but an empty case.

Leave me alone,get out of my head.
Leave me alone, get out of my face.
Leave me alone, I want to sleep tonight.
I don't wanna turn around, nor look back.

I need to find myself again. I do not have the strength to.
I need the comfort only one could give. He's not there anymore.
I'm giving up on my love. So that he can continue to do what he wants,peacefully.
I'm giving up on the only thing that mattered the most to me than anything else. I don't know if i can take this.
I'm afraid i can't.

Maybe I'll get used to being alone.
Maybe I'll get used to him, not being there.
Maybe giving up will make it hurt less.
But it hurts either way.
Maybe, i should hang on. And take the hurts myself.
I will because i still love him just as much
How dumb of Yimmie to think it was love.
But Yimmie stays firm, still. The love for him didn't change.
Maybe she will learn how to live with the love, alone.

But never again, Yimmie can ever love.
Dont talk about the intensity. Missing him will become a daily nightmare.

Goodbye everyone,this is the last you will hear of Yimmie.
She who faces the unknown, leaving her dream,'Chasing Cars' , shattered into smithereens.

You will be loved;

Andrea Yim
8:20 AM

The Family man. Starring Nicholas Cage. A movie a watched recently that came out in Yr 2000.

"Better Man"

There was a time
I had nothing to give
I needed shelter from the storm
I was in
And when it all got too heavy

You carried my weight
And I want to hold you
And I want to say
That you are all that I need

For you, I give my soul to keep
You see me, love me
Just the way I am

For you I am a better man
I said you are the reason
For everything that I do
I'd be lost, so lost, without you

Under the stars
At the edge of the sea
There's no one around
No one but you and me

We'd talk for hours
As time drifts away
I could stay here for ever
And hold you this way

Wanted to put up the song 'You Give Me Something' also by James Morrison. Came across this song while browsing through other songs and thought 'Better Man' would be more expedient. :)
The connection between the selective song and movie is that... The Family Man, was out to be a Better Man. Haha. Yup. You do not need a gorgeous hunk to fall in love with...but a sweet, value-honouring man, like him. Kudos! :)

Have you ever felt that there's no way you can ever express the conflicting thoughts and contradicting conundrums in you?
I feel like running to a breakwater and dictate the world to disintegrate...and my existence will vapourise. How cool.

If only, I'm God. That might happen - The incorrigibility of my very own creation compelling much disappointment in me. Mister God... he's probably feeling that way about me.

My harrowing clandestine retrospections... my closed one shares. I'll take love, as it is.

never too busy for my love;

Andrea Yim
8:17 PM